This post is dedicated to Binny Malik, and the many unsung heroes of that fabulous art of bullshitting. I really wanted to dedicate it to Maryann, but she refuses to be the champion of anything but chronic neck pain.
Now let me explain the purpose of this post, and before you roll your eyes, let me confirm that there is one. Now think of all the rough situations you have been in life, all the times when you were facing a question to which you didn't know the answer, a dilemma which had no escape, a moral compromise which could have been avoided or a mistake without an excuse. Now think of the only thing that saved you from the clutches of that blasted killjoy - the conscience or your mom's glare - bullshit! Bullshit that fetched you a four instead of a zero in your answer, and bullshit that made you feel better about yourself when you knew you were doing the wrong thing.
Now someone once told me that if you can't bedazzle them with brilliance, then befuddle them with bullshit. I won't go to the extent of saying that I am well acquainted with this art, but I am a dedicated student. You see, once I can master this noble art, life would simply be easier to deal with, and the loopholes will be easier to figure (refer to previous post.) So as a student, I questioned a few of my contemporaries on the usefulness of bullshitting.
Maryann: Amusement. Its good for the soil. I mean you want to pull your hair out of their skull. Bullshit brings sanity into our lives and neutralizes the shittiness of it all. Its like a catalyst.
Binny: (after putting a considerable amount of thought into what was obviously the question of the century!)Its a very good exercise, when someone bullshits in front of you:
A) you roll ur eyes
B) you want to slap that person
It also completes the cycle of foodchain and excretion. Bullshit is consumed by detrivorous microbes that feed on shit. This shit is already on the ground and acts as a manure to plants. The plants by the act of photosynthesis, open and close their stomata to produce food. This food is consumed by bulls who shit.
*** Don't bother to ask me what this means, if you want an explanation, Binny can draw a chart for you.
Tulika: Its a talent, with which very few people are gifted with, and very essential in life. (ummm I was hoping for a less page 3 ish response... she is going to kill mme for saying this... my gawd i am still typing!)
Deepesh: I refrain from such kind of activities. (Oh btw he is the guy who invented the wireless mouse USB device!)
The baap of all bullshitters: The importance of bullshitting is that you get to say exactly what you want to say in the garb of wit. It's an assertion of independence from conformity and ass kissing, it is almost a political statement of individuality and personal rebellion.
Here's a bullshitter's take on idiots:
1. Idiots: That beautiful group of people that make living life worthwhile.If it weren't for idiots,life would be extremely boring not to mention there would be practically none of us left! But the most delightful aspect of idiots(and believe me there are quite a few) is their fascinating tendency to try cover up their being idiots by being bigger idiots.Unfortunately,the problem is if you try cover up bullshit with more bullshit all you really get is a big pile of bullshit that stinks(literally.)But i guess shit is good for the soil right? And that's what idiots do...they enrich the soil which grows more produce which feeds more bulls which leads to more bullshit and the cycle continues.That's the beauty of idiots.They are a renewable source of energy.As long as there are people, there will always be idiots. Fuck hydrogen, we got the ultimate renewable source of energy here! If only some scientist would try harness the infinite potential of this characteristic of humans that makes us the superior species we are.Being idiots is what separates us from the animals!By the way... in case you're confused... I am an idiot too!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Loopholes?
Long long time ago, a froody sort of a fellow had advised that I should read up on the Chaos theory and the Lorenz Attractor to get a better insight into my life. I had dismissed this as a one of those sarcastic comments meant to show off the speaker's knowledge and demean the receiver. Four years down the line, the comment makes much more sense than it did at the time. Its like I have been on a prolonged date with chaos, and we don't even break up!
Trust me. I am not exaggerating. The impertinence of my luck is borderline amusing, and I say borderline coz my so called sense of humor is being tested to maximum capacity. Grrrr. And as I begin to study both these theories, I understand the original implications of my good ole friend. The parallels make Murphy look like a positively optimistic and chirpy chap. Anyway lets not go into the details of the events. Details and facts are superficial.
It is a said that every problem has a solution (hallelujah!) and every solution breeds another problem (fadavada!)
It is also said that every theory has loopholes. I am trying to find the loopholes in this one! And once I do that... Its JACKPOT ;)
Trust me. I am not exaggerating. The impertinence of my luck is borderline amusing, and I say borderline coz my so called sense of humor is being tested to maximum capacity. Grrrr. And as I begin to study both these theories, I understand the original implications of my good ole friend. The parallels make Murphy look like a positively optimistic and chirpy chap. Anyway lets not go into the details of the events. Details and facts are superficial.
It is a said that every problem has a solution (hallelujah!) and every solution breeds another problem (fadavada!)
It is also said that every theory has loopholes. I am trying to find the loopholes in this one! And once I do that... Its JACKPOT ;)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Exagerrated Blabberations of the Hundred Winks Club
Ok so think of the last time you laughed a lot! No seriously I mean a lot. Then multiply it by the number of stars in the Betelgeuse star system (there are lots.) There you have it... you have arrived at the exact magnitude of mad cracking up I am referring to, if you do not believe me, then you are an idiot or a Manchester
United fan! Its okay! We understand and appreciate the lack of grey matter.
That was the opening statement. Binny seems to think that it is exaggerated. I say that's the point!
Calling to motion the first ever meeting of the Hundred Winks Club.
Members: Aruni (I exaggerate)
Binny (I don't know)
Maryann (the blue sky looks nice)
These are our solemn vows as we initiate this journey into the unknown.
Agenda: Life as an overwhelming exposure to the extremes of hyper emotion. The omnipresence of the mindfuck factor in this multi cast superhit potboiler, with very occasional special guest appearance of genuinely interesting/pleasant people. (This point is to be debated, because as Binny points out, just because she doesn't like them, doesn't make them less interesting. I am clearly not that open minded, if I don't like them, I find them boring. Maryann just called us bada aunty and chota aunty, and then called herself Madhuri Dixit.
She is forgiven for doing so, I can drive my self insane just by being me... so her outbursts are justified, and I would empathize with her if I was in the mood to do so. I refrain from speaking for Binny, every time I do that, I feel like chewing my head off, because I get a long winded essay about how I am wrong. More often than not we arrive at the point where we started because we were pseudo arguing about the same bloody point! We are still unsure as to why Maryann would refer to herself as Madhuri Dixit. Its a mystery. Maybe we will never know.
Anyway, coming back to where we were before I went off track and took a hike some place else (umm that would be nowhere,) you see it was becoming increasingly necessary to document the phenomenal pieces of conversation that where taking place in the warmly lit room of C 139 National Apartment. If one were to compile these comments in a book, I swear to the Gods above, you would get an amusing read, and a very insightful view of that phenomenon which we mere mortals refer to as life. So as Atlas once took the world upon his worthy shoulders, I have taken this task upon myself. To document history as it is being made, over cups of tea, and a couple of cigarettes (both mine.)
United fan! Its okay! We understand and appreciate the lack of grey matter.
That was the opening statement. Binny seems to think that it is exaggerated. I say that's the point!
Calling to motion the first ever meeting of the Hundred Winks Club.
Members: Aruni (I exaggerate)
Binny (I don't know)
Maryann (the blue sky looks nice)
These are our solemn vows as we initiate this journey into the unknown.
Agenda: Life as an overwhelming exposure to the extremes of hyper emotion. The omnipresence of the mindfuck factor in this multi cast superhit potboiler, with very occasional special guest appearance of genuinely interesting/pleasant people. (This point is to be debated, because as Binny points out, just because she doesn't like them, doesn't make them less interesting. I am clearly not that open minded, if I don't like them, I find them boring. Maryann just called us bada aunty and chota aunty, and then called herself Madhuri Dixit.
She is forgiven for doing so, I can drive my self insane just by being me... so her outbursts are justified, and I would empathize with her if I was in the mood to do so. I refrain from speaking for Binny, every time I do that, I feel like chewing my head off, because I get a long winded essay about how I am wrong. More often than not we arrive at the point where we started because we were pseudo arguing about the same bloody point! We are still unsure as to why Maryann would refer to herself as Madhuri Dixit. Its a mystery. Maybe we will never know.
Anyway, coming back to where we were before I went off track and took a hike some place else (umm that would be nowhere,) you see it was becoming increasingly necessary to document the phenomenal pieces of conversation that where taking place in the warmly lit room of C 139 National Apartment. If one were to compile these comments in a book, I swear to the Gods above, you would get an amusing read, and a very insightful view of that phenomenon which we mere mortals refer to as life. So as Atlas once took the world upon his worthy shoulders, I have taken this task upon myself. To document history as it is being made, over cups of tea, and a couple of cigarettes (both mine.)
Weekends Don't Last!
You know I have been thinking about this for quite some time. The way we tend to react to people and situations, apparently it makes us the people we are. Kind of a vicious cycle isn't it. Coz to me it seems that our actions are guided by the kind of people we are... and then we go ahead and say it the other way round. Chicken/Egg! Good god I am blabbering again!
Anyway chuck that. Have been reading Marquez's Living to Tell the Tale off late. Its an autobiographical work based on his own experiences and the early years of his journey as an author. I was almost compelled to compare it to Of Human Bondage, but I am beginning to like this book even more than the famed Hundred Years of Solitude. Love the vivid language which he uses to describe his experiences and the amazing landscapes he paints with his words. OOPS! Pseudo Alert!
Really wanted to watch DevD. Then I realized that all the people I was going to watch it with have already watched it, and I didn't go with them coz I was cleaning the bloody house. What's more! As if it wasn't bad enough that this sucked... the buggers are reminding me at every opportune moment that its a brilliant movie! I know that so stop biting my head off!
I think I am becoming a workaholic. Seriously! Binny thinks I am going to get married to retention and have kids called Retention A and B. That's a scary thought, but its understandable coming from her, she saw me doing research on this and running reports at 10:30 and then freaked out.
Had a great weekend though... Nehallloooo finally gave us his birthday treat on Vday. He actually had 5 dates... Went to Karim's for a meal, wish could have walked through those roads. They reminded me of good ole times, Jamnagar Road, Ruchir's house, Goldflake cigarettes, Vien, and Faisal's changrami! Then went to Hanuman temple at midnight... Don't bother to ask.
I wish Monday was a holiday.
Anyway chuck that. Have been reading Marquez's Living to Tell the Tale off late. Its an autobiographical work based on his own experiences and the early years of his journey as an author. I was almost compelled to compare it to Of Human Bondage, but I am beginning to like this book even more than the famed Hundred Years of Solitude. Love the vivid language which he uses to describe his experiences and the amazing landscapes he paints with his words. OOPS! Pseudo Alert!
Really wanted to watch DevD. Then I realized that all the people I was going to watch it with have already watched it, and I didn't go with them coz I was cleaning the bloody house. What's more! As if it wasn't bad enough that this sucked... the buggers are reminding me at every opportune moment that its a brilliant movie! I know that so stop biting my head off!
I think I am becoming a workaholic. Seriously! Binny thinks I am going to get married to retention and have kids called Retention A and B. That's a scary thought, but its understandable coming from her, she saw me doing research on this and running reports at 10:30 and then freaked out.
Had a great weekend though... Nehallloooo finally gave us his birthday treat on Vday. He actually had 5 dates... Went to Karim's for a meal, wish could have walked through those roads. They reminded me of good ole times, Jamnagar Road, Ruchir's house, Goldflake cigarettes, Vien, and Faisal's changrami! Then went to Hanuman temple at midnight... Don't bother to ask.
I wish Monday was a holiday.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Boredom Blues!
I am bored. No I really am. I hate talking to most people I know, they are boring, trite and speak utter crap. The moment I see them looming on the horizons, I thank my Gods for the existence of my mp3 player. The importance of this particular gadget reemphasizes itself almost everyday of my life. After all I can't resort to walking with a book in my hand! Going by track record, its extremely likely that I will fall.
Ofcourse this is only during times, when I actually have time to get bored, which is again a rare occasion. TOO MUCH WORK! But during the occasional glimpses of the world outside my work, books and the headphones, basically the world outside my own head, I wonder at the utter lack of good people. There are prototypes of people all over the place. The wannabees cool ones, the wannabee loners, the idiots, the irritating chirp heads, the holistically fake ones, and the crazy weird heads who can't make up their heads about any goddamn thing. Where do these people come from and what world do they live in? The answer itself is worth a research, and can form a book which will be an amusing read, even if no one would print it!
Another blessing in disguise is the fact that the only people I can have any sort of conversation with are my room mates – and I mean any sort of conversations, the crazy blabbering ones and the crazy intense ones. The problem is that very soon we will get sick of each other. We almost spend every minute of our freaking lives with each other. The only distraction outside the group is of course Nehal, who by default is a member of our house, and the occasional interactions with the amazing yaya twins. Thank god for you people!
Hey its my blog! I can crib on it!
Look forward to the next article: Exaggerated Blabberations of the Hundred Winks Club :)
Ofcourse this is only during times, when I actually have time to get bored, which is again a rare occasion. TOO MUCH WORK! But during the occasional glimpses of the world outside my work, books and the headphones, basically the world outside my own head, I wonder at the utter lack of good people. There are prototypes of people all over the place. The wannabees cool ones, the wannabee loners, the idiots, the irritating chirp heads, the holistically fake ones, and the crazy weird heads who can't make up their heads about any goddamn thing. Where do these people come from and what world do they live in? The answer itself is worth a research, and can form a book which will be an amusing read, even if no one would print it!
Another blessing in disguise is the fact that the only people I can have any sort of conversation with are my room mates – and I mean any sort of conversations, the crazy blabbering ones and the crazy intense ones. The problem is that very soon we will get sick of each other. We almost spend every minute of our freaking lives with each other. The only distraction outside the group is of course Nehal, who by default is a member of our house, and the occasional interactions with the amazing yaya twins. Thank god for you people!
Hey its my blog! I can crib on it!
Look forward to the next article: Exaggerated Blabberations of the Hundred Winks Club :)
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