Are you in or out!?

Disclaimer: All puns are intended. The article in a mere observation and nothing more.

Groundrules first! If you think you are too 'hep and cool' please do not bother to read this... this is sooo not for you! Like totally out of your league, if you know what I mean.

It’s a matter of deep philosophical importance. These are questions that will decide the moral fiber of our age – the age of seeming chaos… and once you know the answer, you shall be considered among the wise, whose knowledge shall be like a beacon to mankind leading us forth into nirvana.

Now that you are absolutely convinced that I am about to embark upon an intense philosophical debate in my erstwhile non sensical chronicles, which of course was a stupid mistake, let me be a tad bit more specific. You are doomed, and allow me to repeat myself, you are DOOMED, if you indulge in any of the following activities:

1) You talk funny (blabber your head off, talk about random facts, talk geeky, and talk like you are a flower girl in the fields of wonderland!) And please don’t even bother with the ‘I speak nothing but the truth’ bullshit.

2) If you bought the t shirt you are wearing from Garia hatar mor, or Chowpatty or Sarojini… I mean ‘How could you!’ Did you know they are about to include this in one of the sins?

3) You have more than one oddity… as of now it’s okay to have one oddity. Definition of oddity - You are weird. (If you expected something more constructive, boo hoo! Go do you own research!)

You are doomed, ye Children of a doomer god… run for your lives from the grand monster of ‘in crowd.’ May the Gods protect you from their chief weapon – boredom, may you still prevail and enrich our lives.

Jukebox: Don't you know about the new fashion honey?
All you need are looks and a whole lotta money.
It's the next phase, new wave, dance craze, anyways
It's still rock & roll to me.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock and roll to me

(Billy Joel)

Dance on the Border

So here's the deal. I am becoming obsessed with work, overworking and making sure that I have no life outside the work. Its a critical issue, and the diagnosis is not clear yet. So I needed a break, till I figured out where I can get a life. So I went to Amritsar, with the esteemed members of the Hundred Winks Club, the Malik sisters (Parul and Priyanka) and Jyotika.

Breaking News. We all arrived the station on time. The train was an hour late so that didn't matter much. We went off to the nearby cafe to celebrate Priyanka's birthday (I really wish she was my sis, she is incredibly nice,) where weird wannabe chaplin man made Binny go all flutter. Finally we boarded the train, and this time it was Jyotika's turn to reflect upon the pristine condition of the sleeper class compartment. Madame logon ko A.C. mein jaana tha! Now comes the classic Binny comment.

Binny: Aruni, do you want to upgrade? (She wanted to ask me whether I want to upgrade to A.C.)
Me : Umm What you thought I was the beta version!
Mae: Hundred Winks for that ;)

Typically, I froze to death in the train, because I had no idea it was going to be so cold. So while everyone slept, I gave company to the three mice - the only non sleeping fellow passengers I had.

Throughout the trip I was enamored by the picturesque countryside. I had heard a lot about green fields and the yellow mustards, coz you see like millions of others, I have seen DDLJ. But its something one should see at least once, to know the true meaning of solace. Little gold stars over seas of green, and a blue sky. I wish I could paint, the scenery demands an impressionist canvass by Van Gogh or Cezanne. But since I can't, I shall stop the pseudo wistfulness now!

We met a jolly Santa uncle over there, who took us all over the place, including a dhaba which served the bestest chicken ever! Oh... forgot to mention, we danced on the Wagah border. All of us including Binny! She takes a million years to agree to dance usually, but she danced like a mad woman coz, she was ten meters away from the border. And to top it all, she did a brilliant impression of me in the train. I was almost flattered by the impression. Oh cmon! You have to be a superstar to have that good an imposter!

Feeling the Moment Slip Away

The last time I was in a train with the esteemed members of the Hundred Winks Club life was different and it all seems like ancient history. Its like time flies on, and you are constantly running to catch up... and you look back thinking 'once upon a time.' As I hung out of the train, the cool wind hit my face, and for some inexplicable reason the pieces of my life flashed before my eyes juxtaposed against the night sky. Faces, smiles, eyes, emotions.

They were just flashes, with no particular feeling attached to them, not even those of nostalgia। I guess the process of detachment is coming a full cycle. I am increasingly finding it hard to disconnect emotions from the numbness. I suppose the moment has slipped away and you can't feel it anymore.

The importance of bullshitting

This post is dedicated to Binny Malik, and the many unsung heroes of that fabulous art of bullshitting. I really wanted to dedicate it to Maryann, but she refuses to be the champion of anything but chronic neck pain.

Now let me explain the purpose of this post, and before you roll your eyes, let me confirm that there is one. Now think of all the rough situations you have been in life, all the times when you were facing a question to which you didn't know the answer, a dilemma which had no escape, a moral compromise which could have been avoided or a mistake without an excuse. Now think of the only thing that saved you from the clutches of that blasted killjoy - the conscience or your mom's glare - bullshit! Bullshit that fetched you a four instead of a zero in your answer, and bullshit that made you feel better about yourself when you knew you were doing the wrong thing.

Now someone once told me that if you can't bedazzle them with brilliance, then befuddle them with bullshit. I won't go to the extent of saying that I am well acquainted with this art, but I am a dedicated student. You see, once I can master this noble art, life would simply be easier to deal with, and the loopholes will be easier to figure (refer to previous post.) So as a student, I questioned a few of my contemporaries on the usefulness of bullshitting.

Maryann: Amusement. Its good for the soil. I mean you want to pull your hair out of their skull. Bullshit brings sanity into our lives and neutralizes the shittiness of it all. Its like a catalyst.

Binny: (after putting a considerable amount of thought into what was obviously the question of the century!)Its a very good exercise, when someone bullshits in front of you:
A) you roll ur eyes
B) you want to slap that person
It also completes the cycle of foodchain and excretion. Bullshit is consumed by detrivorous microbes that feed on shit. This shit is already on the ground and acts as a manure to plants. The plants by the act of photosynthesis, open and close their stomata to produce food. This food is consumed by bulls who shit.

*** Don't bother to ask me what this means, if you want an explanation, Binny can draw a chart for you.

Tulika: Its a talent, with which very few people are gifted with, and very essential in life. (ummm I was hoping for a less page 3 ish response... she is going to kill mme for saying this... my gawd i am still typing!)

Deepesh: I refrain from such kind of activities. (Oh btw he is the guy who invented the wireless mouse USB device!)

The baap of all bullshitters: The importance of bullshitting is that you get to say exactly what you want to say in the garb of wit. It's an assertion of independence from conformity and ass kissing, it is almost a political statement of individuality and personal rebellion.

Here's a bullshitter's take on idiots:

1. Idiots: That beautiful group of people that make living life worthwhile.If it weren't for idiots,life would be extremely boring not to mention there would be practically none of us left! But the most delightful aspect of idiots(and believe me there are quite a few) is their fascinating tendency to try cover up their being idiots by being bigger idiots.Unfortunately,the problem is if you try cover up bullshit with more bullshit all you really get is a big pile of bullshit that stinks(literally.)But i guess shit is good for the soil right? And that's what idiots do...they enrich the soil which grows more produce which feeds more bulls which leads to more bullshit and the cycle continues.That's the beauty of idiots.They are a renewable source of energy.As long as there are people, there will always be idiots. Fuck hydrogen, we got the ultimate renewable source of energy here! If only some scientist would try harness the infinite potential of this characteristic of humans that makes us the superior species we are.Being idiots is what separates us from the animals!By the way... in case you're confused... I am an idiot too!

Loopholes?

Long long time ago, a froody sort of a fellow had advised that I should read up on the Chaos theory and the Lorenz Attractor to get a better insight into my life. I had dismissed this as a one of those sarcastic comments meant to show off the speaker's knowledge and demean the receiver. Four years down the line, the comment makes much more sense than it did at the time. Its like I have been on a prolonged date with chaos, and we don't even break up!

Trust me. I am not exaggerating. The impertinence of my luck is borderline amusing, and I say borderline coz my so called sense of humor is being tested to maximum capacity. Grrrr. And as I begin to study both these theories, I understand the original implications of my good ole friend. The parallels make Murphy look like a positively optimistic and chirpy chap. Anyway lets not go into the details of the events. Details and facts are superficial.

It is a said that every problem has a solution (hallelujah!) and every solution breeds another problem (fadavada!)

It is also said that every theory has loopholes. I am trying to find the loopholes in this one! And once I do that... Its JACKPOT ;)

Exagerrated Blabberations of the Hundred Winks Club

Ok so think of the last time you laughed a lot! No seriously I mean a lot. Then multiply it by the number of stars in the Betelgeuse star system (there are lots.) There you have it... you have arrived at the exact magnitude of mad cracking up I am referring to, if you do not believe me, then you are an idiot or a Manchester
United fan! Its okay! We understand and appreciate the lack of grey matter.

That was the opening statement. Binny seems to think that it is exaggerated. I say that's the point!
Calling to motion the first ever meeting of the Hundred Winks Club.
Members: Aruni (I exaggerate)
Binny (I don't know)
Maryann (the blue sky looks nice)
These are our solemn vows as we initiate this journey into the unknown.

Agenda: Life as an overwhelming exposure to the extremes of hyper emotion. The omnipresence of the mindfuck factor in this multi cast superhit potboiler, with very occasional special guest appearance of genuinely interesting/pleasant people. (This point is to be debated, because as Binny points out, just because she doesn't like them, doesn't make them less interesting. I am clearly not that open minded, if I don't like them, I find them boring. Maryann just called us bada aunty and chota aunty, and then called herself Madhuri Dixit.

She is forgiven for doing so, I can drive my self insane just by being me... so her outbursts are justified, and I would empathize with her if I was in the mood to do so. I refrain from speaking for Binny, every time I do that, I feel like chewing my head off, because I get a long winded essay about how I am wrong. More often than not we arrive at the point where we started because we were pseudo arguing about the same bloody point! We are still unsure as to why Maryann would refer to herself as Madhuri Dixit. Its a mystery. Maybe we will never know.

Anyway, coming back to where we were before I went off track and took a hike some place else (umm that would be nowhere,) you see it was becoming increasingly necessary to document the phenomenal pieces of conversation that where taking place in the warmly lit room of C 139 National Apartment. If one were to compile these comments in a book, I swear to the Gods above, you would get an amusing read, and a very insightful view of that phenomenon which we mere mortals refer to as life. So as Atlas once took the world upon his worthy shoulders, I have taken this task upon myself. To document history as it is being made, over cups of tea, and a couple of cigarettes (both mine.)

Weekends Don't Last!

You know I have been thinking about this for quite some time. The way we tend to react to people and situations, apparently it makes us the people we are. Kind of a vicious cycle isn't it. Coz to me it seems that our actions are guided by the kind of people we are... and then we go ahead and say it the other way round. Chicken/Egg! Good god I am blabbering again!

Anyway chuck that. Have been reading Marquez's Living to Tell the Tale off late. Its an autobiographical work based on his own experiences and the early years of his journey as an author. I was almost compelled to compare it to Of Human Bondage, but I am beginning to like this book even more than the famed Hundred Years of Solitude. Love the vivid language which he uses to describe his experiences and the amazing landscapes he paints with his words. OOPS! Pseudo Alert!

Really wanted to watch DevD. Then I realized that all the people I was going to watch it with have already watched it, and I didn't go with them coz I was cleaning the bloody house. What's more! As if it wasn't bad enough that this sucked... the buggers are reminding me at every opportune moment that its a brilliant movie! I know that so stop biting my head off!

I think I am becoming a workaholic. Seriously! Binny thinks I am going to get married to retention and have kids called Retention A and B. That's a scary thought, but its understandable coming from her, she saw me doing research on this and running reports at 10:30 and then freaked out.

Had a great weekend though... Nehallloooo finally gave us his birthday treat on Vday. He actually had 5 dates... Went to Karim's for a meal, wish could have walked through those roads. They reminded me of good ole times, Jamnagar Road, Ruchir's house, Goldflake cigarettes, Vien, and Faisal's changrami! Then went to Hanuman temple at midnight... Don't bother to ask.

I wish Monday was a holiday.